by Lora Rossi

 

I fall and I fall and I fall again.

Oh look! I just fell again!

In fact…I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

This commercial really isn’t supposed to be funny. But it kinda is.

At least, that’s how I feel.

Ya know when you are trying…really trying…to reach a goal, only to @$%# it up only weeks, days, hours…sometimes minutes into being on the right track?

I am struggling. Like a lot of other people, I am struggling.

There are a few goals I am trying to reach…actually many…but a few in particular that I am thinking of…and I just wish I could stick to the plan peeps! Or maybe that is my problem. I need a better plan.

Or maybe more will power. Or maybe I am just weak. Maybe I am just not cut out for this shit. Maybe I really have fallen and I can’t get up. No matter how hard I try.

The thing is…I know I can.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

If a little train can motivate itself to reach a goal, then I will be damned if I can’t!

One of the things I struggle with is losing this baby weight.

How long can I call it that, by the way? My baby just turned one, so does it still apply? Can I still use that as an excuse to not get up?

Oh…and remember…I broke my foot and mangled my other ankle when I was pregnant. That has got to count for some “I can’t get up” points, no? Give me a frickin break! Just not my foot again…please!

Yeah, OK, I will have a chocolate bar, AND sit my ass down on this chocolate bar bench. That will get me somewhere!

Then I use the “I will start again on Monday” line. Yeah…OK then. That works. It is now Thursday, so I have three days to eat all the frickin crap I want and then on Monday I will get up and be perfection!

NOT.

Carbs be gone! The treadmill will become my lover. And by Boxing Day I will be running to Victoria’s Secret to apply for next year’s runway show!

Obviously the Monday thing is only making matters worse. So now I am thinking the famous New Year’s resolution will get me up. 2012, here I come! Watch out…come January 1 I will be running off that celebratory champagne in the frikin snow! Who cares how cold it will be? It will be a new year and a new me! Yes!

Ahhhh…the New Year’s resolution diet. Anyways…

Speaking of cold…did I mention I am going to Mexico in May? Yes. And I will be the Matron of Honor for one of my besties in her destination wedding. With her two skinny bridemaids. Awesome! I was 37 weeks preggers with my first baby in her first wedding and talk about fat! And now?

Have you seen the movie “Bridesmaids”?

I actually have not, but I have seen numerous scenes from it and the funny, fat one? That is gonna be me if I don’t get up. I figure everyone needs a funny, fat girl in their wedding party.

Hey, what’s wrong with the funny, fat girl? She was the best one in this movie I hear.

So yeah….Mexico. That means sun. That means the ocean. That means swimming. And generally speaking, that usually means bathing suit. And right now, to me, that means a nervous breakdown if I don’t get up.

So I’ve fallen. Again.

But I’m getting up.

And while those other lovely bridesmaids will surely be wearing inappropriately small bikinis, I will be happy with a modest one-piece.

So forget Monday. Forget New Year’s. Forget this self-depreciating toro-caca. This self-loathing, funny-fat-girl routine that I use to cover up how crappy I feel about the way that I look.

I just got up.

 

 

Lora Rossi is the mother of 3 boys, a wife, freelance writer, blogger, artist, DYIer, certified home stager and non-profit executive with a degree is Sociology / Family & Child Studies from The University of Guelph. Lora has a passion for connecting with and helping others, especially through the creative arts and the written word. On a continuous journey to live an authentic life and to remind others of the importance of doing the same, Lora blogs and writes to evoke thought, feeling and action. For more of Lora’s musings, please visit her blog The Hugging Home at http://www.thehugginghome.com

Find her on Twitter @thehugginghome and on Facebook at The Hugging Home